What are the spending priorities of these “average” frum Jews, and how are their principles reflected in their fiscal choices?

Where do you save?

Where do you splurge?

What’s a nonnegotiable expense and what can you forgo?

We spoke to a selection of frum families who occupy that middle ground — they’re making it, some comfortably and some less so, but they’re not riding high and they’re also not on the receiving end. What are the spending priorities of these “average” frum Jews, and how are their principles reflected in their fiscal choices?

Take a look at their spending to get a view of their values. Maybe you’ll find yourself too

Meet the Panelists

What’s your overall attitude toward money and spending?

B. Glaser

Age: 50s

City: Boro Park

Occupations: I’m a homemaker; my husband is in the import business.

Family: 9 children aged 8-31, 5 are married

I don’t think I’m an overspender, but I don’t pinch pennies either. A few years ago, I was sitting at a family simchah and everyone was complaining how you can’t rent a nice gown for less than $2000. I asked everyone if they remembered what I wore to my son’s wedding. Everyone said, “Oh, you looked gorgeous!” but I pressed them, “Do you actually remember what I wore?” Of course, no one did.

As it happens, I had rented the cheapest, nicest gown I could find. It cost $500, no one remembers what it looked like, but everyone remembers that I looked gorgeous.

I don’t spend money to impress others, but I would spend money on things that matter to us.

Moshe Cohen

Age: 40s

City: Oak Park, Michigan

Occupations: I’m in the food industry; my wife is a homemaker

Family: 9 kids ages 1 to 17, including one with special needs

My priority is my children’s mental health. I’m willing to spend a lot for private therapies and psychiatrists in order for them to get the best, but we’re content to wear second-hand clothes and drive clunkers. We tried really hard to stay away from credit cards, but we don’t always have the cash up front to pay (for example, an initial intake and eval with a good psychiatrist can cost $350). We’ve been relying on credit cards, which we know is a mistake.

It’s probably horrible to say this (although I don’t think we’re the only ones), but the pandemic has been great for us financially, what with the stimulus checks and child tax credits. We used the money to pay off the credit card bills and even managed to put some away for the future.

Yosef G.

Age: 58

City: Brooklyn, NY 

Occupation: Real Estate

Family: I’m single and have 5 kids, 4 of whom are married.

My philosophy is simple: Live within your means. I married off four kids without borrowing money. I learned a lot from my parents: They came from Europe and didn’t always have money. Even once they did have means, they were extremely generous with others but didn’t spend unnecessarily on themselves. I try to do the same, although I could afford more today.

Toby Stern

Age: 39

City: Los Angeles, California

Occupations: My husband is a sales manager; I teach part time.

Family: 8 kids, ranging from 2-17

It comes in waves. Sometimes the amount of shopping that we need to do is overwhelming (like when preparing kids for sleepaway camp), but we just have to buy what we need. Other times, my husband and I try to consciously cut back on our spending.

Goldie Samuels

Age: 38

City: Lakewood

Occupations: Therapist; husband learns at BMG

Family: 7 kids, ranging from ages 1 to 15

We’re very budget minded people. We try to live within our means while at the same time give our children a normal, balanced childhood. We don’t believe you need to be extravagant to make your kids happy. We try to tune in to our family, giving our kids a sense of happiness, of belonging. Practically speaking, we live within the norm of our community and don’t feel a need to keep up with the Joneses. We’re happy to live simply, dress the younger kids in hand-me-downs when possible and try to save wherever possible. It’s easy for us to live like this because we live on a low-key block; this makes all the difference.

Yechiel and Shifra Jacobson

Ages: 40s

City: Cleveland, Ohio

Occupations: Chinuch and Real Estate

Family: 13 kids, aged 3 to 22

We aim for the middle of the road. We’re definitely not fancy, but we have some kids who have concerns about looking nebby and we respect that, acknowledge it’s a normal teenage thing, and try to meet their needs. When our kids ask for something, let’s say a bike, we ask them, “What’s the most expensive bike a classmate has? What’s the least expensive?” Then we aim for something in between. Our kids recognize that this middle-of-the-road attitude is a conscious choice and not dependent on how much money we actually have, so they’re not resentful.

We believe that every single dollar we have is from Hashem and that money needs to be used to serve Hashem. Sometimes even the middle of the road seems expensive and difficult, but we acknowledge that that, too, is from Hashem.

Even if we suddenly became rich somehow one day, we wouldn’t change our lifestyle very much (although I think we’d start hiring repairmen when necessary, instead of going the DIY-and-hope-for-the-best route), because we’d still have the same attitude.

Chaya Norkin

Age: 50+

City: Beitar,  Israel

Occupations: Currently I’m a homemaker and foster mom. My husband works in customer service for an American company.

Family: 10 kids aged 11-30, 6 are married, one is engaged

I try to be thrifty and careful with money. I live according to the belief that if we really need something (and sometimes a want is a need), Hashem will make sure we get it. For example, at the same time that I started having issues with my stove, my friend was moving and was selling her three-year-old American stove for less than half its retail value. I got a great stove for a great deal; I didn’t even have to wait for my stove to die.

But I don’t just throw things out without thinking. My sister had the same old stove, so before I got rid of mine I asked her which parts she wanted to take.

I can’t afford to buy things cheap because that often means replacing them sooner. I have brand-name pots, because that usually means good quality, but I don’t have the most expensive set there is.

It’s also become a family joke that when we’re heading out to shop, let’s say for a chassan or kallah, we ask, “What are you planning to buy?” and follow that up with “And what do you think Hashem is going to actually send you home with today?” Two very different questions! Everything is in Hashem’s hands.

Brachi Silver

Age: 30s

City: Five Towns

Occupations: I work in office administration; my husband works in real estate

Family: 4 kids; the oldest is 8

We make it a strong priority to live within our means. Sometimes we track our budget on a spreadsheet, but that usually peters out within a month or two, although we still have a general sense of what we’re doing. I believe that using words like “this isn’t appropriate right now” gives kids a better sense of security than “we can’t afford it.”

We’ve seen a lot of hashgachah in our finances. When we bought a house, we knew the mortgage would be doable, but tight. Hashem helped; my husband suddenly saw growth in his career that was outside the normal trajectory of our expectations. Instead of just making it, that gave us some breathing room.