I’m afraid to tell her how I truly feel. Afraid she’ll leave me for real this time

Relationships are particularly hard when one person holds all the power.

With her, especially, it’s a challenge that leaves me, time and time again, feeling dysregulated and overwhelmed.

It’s bad enough that I accept how often she stands me up. But it goes deeper. I’m afraid to tell her how I truly feel. Afraid she’ll leave me for real this time.

It’s like this: I’ll be all ready to go out on our appointed day. There I am, dressed up with my hand on the door, excited for a refreshing outing and self-care. And then the text comes in. Not going to make it.

My heart plummets to the depths of my booties. She can’t be canceling on me again! It can’t be!