Why we complain and what we can do about it

Project coordinated by Elana Moskowitz

Chanukah is a time for l’hodos u’lehallel, expressing our gratitude and praise to Hashem for all the good we enjoy in life. For some of us, this is intuitive. For others, it’s an insurmountable task. Let’s talk about complaining

Kvetching, Full Stop

PTA is fairly low on my list of favorite venues for a Tuesday night. That may have something to do with standing in a school hallway at the unholy hour of 10 p.m., 15 mothers ahead of me.

As I settle in with the rest of the ladies-in-waiting, I hear someone praising the advantages of short winter Shabbosos. “It’s so cozy on the couch after the seudah, and then we have the whole Motzaei Shabbos to actually do something after cleanup.”

Oh, please, as if that makes up for the Erev Shabbos marathon. “Come on, nothing makes up for the hassle of getting five kids under the age of ten bathed and dressed by four p.m. and frantically getting the food on the blech — assuming you managed to finish cooking,” I point out.

“You must really love summer Shabbos — lots of time to get ready,” says the mother next to me.

I set the record straight. “Actually, summer Shabbos is also the pits. The kids are up super late, Shabbos afternoon never ends, and the kids fall asleep before Havdalah, all sticky and sweaty in their Shabbos clothes.”

The conversation shifts to family Chanukah parties. “…and we did a family version of Food Fight, boys against girls, with my husband and me judging….”

It sounds cute, but I can picture the kitchen landscape afterward. Carnage. “Chanukah parties are so time-consuming, before and after. I mean, the mess from all that frying….” I sigh.

The line of women waiting to see the morah gradually thins until it’s just me and three others. Someone mentions leaving the kids overnight for a quick getaway with her husband. “It’s so worth it, assuming you can find someone to watch the kids. It’s genuinely restorative,” she gushes.

Been there, done that, time to be the voice of reason. “Truthfully, the effort you put in totally isn’t worth it. It’s a huge ask and an insane amount of preparation. And when you finally get home, the kids are so overwrought from your absence that whatever R and R you gained is totally erased within an hour of getting home.”

The other three women raise their eyebrows, but I don’t care. Someone has to be a voice of reason for this band of Pollyannas.