Stupid medication, stupid side effects, stupid joint pain, stupid fatigue. No camp, no summer job, waste of a year, forget about friends

Henny’s running a day camp, Sara’s a happy camper, Tzvi’s gone to sleepaway camp. That leaves me. Sometimes bored, sometimes busy, sometimes enjoying chilling, and sometimes just plain miserable.

Like now.

I contemplate getting up from my beanbag but can’t muster up the energy. My joints have started to ache again. I was really feeling better for a while, almost forgot what this feels like.

Horrible.

I reach for the phone to dial Shaindy, Miss Halb’s cousin. It’s weird to think of her like that, we’ve become so close, so fast. She is literally the only person I end up talking to these days. But then I let my fingers drop. We spoke a few days ago, and last week. I don’t want to be a burden. Maybe she wants a break?

I want a break, too. The thought pops into my mind and settles there, an uncomfortable itch. I’m not going to get a break. Stupid medication, stupid side effects, stupid joint pain, stupid fatigue. No camp, no summer job, waste of a year, forget about friends.

They’ve forgotten about me.

I think back. Shana called once or twice since summer started, and I spoke to Eliana one evening. But they’re in the mountains, having a ball, and I’m stuck here in the hot, dusty city, with my pills for company.

Just great.

A tear escapes, trickles down my cheek. I’m crying. I hate this. I hate my new life, I hate this reality. Why can’t Hashem just take it away?